spikes on your ballet flats do not make you look bad-ass.
just because something is trendy and “in” at the moment, doesn’t mean YOU should wear it. ask people you trust what looks good on you and what does not. stick with what flatters YOUR body and try to be age-appropriate while retaining your unique style.
leggings/jeggings/tights are not, and will never be pants. please, for the love of all that is decent, do not wear leggings in place of pants. no matter what size you are wearing, we do not wish to see your ass, your twat or your underwear lines at any time.
if you are a hairy dude with a short(er) haircut, please shave your neck if hair grows below your hairstyle’s neckline. think of it as a courtesy to humanity.
over 40? please don’t wear children’s clothing. it’s difficult getting old, and we all wish we could hold onto our youth. but we cannot. before you buy your forever 21 electric-lime green mesh leggings, try it on and look in the mirror. you are 46 years old and you look it, no matter how good you feel inside. back away from the garment and exit the teeny-bopper store.
unless you are currently in drag, dudes should never have long fingernails. or wear leggings. regardless of your sexuality. period.
if you are wearing a mustard knit beanie (toque), skinny jeans, skateboard shoes, an ironic t-shirt with a plaid flannel over top and are sporting a beard/”indie”facial hair, you are a sheep. look to your right, there are 5 dudes rocking the exact same uniform. stop it.
wearing yoga pants when you are not going to or coming from yoga, is equivalent to rocking sweatpants at 7-11 in broad daylight on a weekday knuckle-deep in nacho-cheese. absolutely NO difference. and yes, we CAN tell if you are lying and are just too lazy to wear outside clothing.
plastic surgery is disgusting. we all grow old and it ain’t pretty. but accepting and embracing it is. play-up your best features and stick to what looks good on you. remember, a genuine smile is your best accessory.
if you are a tranny, this does not excuse you from the basic principals of fashion. wanna be/look like a woman? fine. but please, emulate a stylish woman. think classics like audrey hepburn, jackie o. or dame judy dench.
wearing too much make-up, no matter how professionally applied, makes you look either desperate or like a tranny. less really is more ladies.
and finally, if you are fucking ancient, no matter how cool you were in your youth, do not get a ridiculous golden grill at age 55 in the year 2013. you are not yet old enough to be considered “eccentric” and not smart enough to pull it off. and because you are stupid. and white and embarrassing. and tragic. and desperate for attention. and old.